new beginnings always make me nervous

 

        MONDAY 8/30/21 9:24AM--the butterfies in my stomach are starting to grow...I assume they'll leave when my first therapy session with my new therapist is over, whenever that will be...
9:36AM--It turns out I was wrong about being wrong about my apppointment with the urologist...now I'm on hold for who knows how long...all I (ever) wanted to do was re-schedule my f**king appointment somehow...oh well, it IS Monday after all...I'm absolutely learning patience today...but I bet almost anything else is easier for me...
10:08AM It took a LONG while but I finally re-scheduled the Urologist appointment for 12:45PM, on September 1st...
12:20PM--so I've met my new therapist...She reminds me a bit of a woman I used to have a crush on--until she and her Husband had an ugly breakup...She moved far away, but I still run into her "ex"--just saw him playing at Hershey's on Friday night...Anyway, as early as it may be to comment on our "relationship", I like her...the Plan is to see her in about two weeks...I'm not gonna say anything to jinx my current mood...
5:27PM--There were no technical problems that I'M aware of during the video session...I have no idea whatsoever what, if anything, Dianne might have heard...she hasn't yet asked about the session--she's been very busy...
7:20PM--she just asked about it...I told her some stuff, that seemed to placate her for now...I don't think she has to know everything about my Life...am I right?

sometimes it's best to just get on with it

 

       

           FRIDAY 8/27/21 11:30AM--Next Day Medical sent me an e-mail suggesting I create a Patient Portal. I'd rather eat a salad...Amazingly enough I DID IT...naturally it took three attempts...I'm surprised that I didn't give up after the first two...Some people would say celebrating such an action is, at the very least, weird...But I'm not "some people" and to ME, it's a big deal...I'm not yet sure if I missed an appointment, but I guess I can find out Monday morning...So far, it's been a good day, for which I'm grateful...I don't expect it to last, which is OK, if I can find the strength to keep-a-goin'...
11PM--Not a whole lot going on tomorrow...Dinner with the ex-in-laws, that's all *I* remember...
SATURDAY 8/28/21 7:47PM--Dinner w/the ex-in-laws was work, like always...but it was a good dinner, including dessert..
8:53PM-so now I’m in Dianne‘s office watching television, because I’m not a fan of Grey’s Anatomy…I’m still not 100% sure of what we’re doing tomorrow… Part of the day will be spent going through the cabinet next to my TV chair…and in a separate project, Dianne wants to go through ALL my random paperwork and sort through it… It’s going to be a real party;
10:28PM-my body clock is a total wreck… I sometimes think tomorrow is Monday and it’s not…thankfully…
SUNDAY 8/29/21 12:58PM--NOW it's SUNDAY...I was getting very frustrated trying to access my NDC patient portal...but finally I got in there...I was minutes away from saying f**k it...but I DIDN'T--that's the main thing...NOW I'm looking forward to my appointment with Yolanda...
5:12PM--it's been a fairly good day...the cleaning/re-organizing of my stuff has started with my bedroom...it's not 100% done, but 90%? Yeah, I'd go with that...
10:24PM--I THOUGHT I had an appointment with a Urologist at the same time as the appt.. with my new therapist...it freaked me out and frustrated the hell outta me...then Dianne and I had a fight about it...the appt. with the Urologist might be NEXT Month...it's seemingly easier for a man to have a baby then it is to re-schedule a f**kin' Dr.'s appointment the old-fashioned in the 21st Century...actually now I'm not 100% sure WHEN the appointment, but I'm gonna stick with the "next month" idea...it calmed Dianne down, for the time being...

 

I never said I could cook

 

       SUNDAY 8/22/21 9:05AM--the omelette was as ugly as it could be...the cheese Dianne bought was just ok...the bacon was inconsistently cooked from one end of each slice to the other, but (to me) edible...better than the first four slices I made, last week, two of which were burnt to the point of being NOT edible...I guess practice makes perfect...
WEDNESDAY 8/25/21 4:08PM--I've been feeling very weird lately, physically and otherwise...I think I'm gonna ease up on the magnesium AND Hydroxyzine...what I don't know is how long will it take to get both of them outta my system...
11:19PM--my concept of Time seems to be disjointed...my evening at Main Stage seems like a week ago, not last night...this morning feels like yesterday...kinda scary...
THURSDAY 8/26/2021 12;22pm--the handyman is here building furniture...Dianne wants him to, if possible, fix the freezer handle...*I* think she's being unrealistic...she just needs to use a crowbar to open her wallet and pay a Samsung rep to repair it...I hope I'm wrong, but the handyman isn't fluent in English...
1PM--the two "tv tables" are done, the bookcase could be done by 2PM, if not sooner...
1:35PM--he just left...naptime should be 2PM...planning on leaving the house to pick up SueEl by 5:10PM...
3:35PM--SueEl changed her Mind about going...
FRIDAY 8/27/21 12:09AM--it's nice having the new tables in the living room...it's especially nice having a shelf thingie in my bedroom...

how many Mondays are there in one week?

 

           WEDNESDAY 8/18/21 10:35AM--I had a 9AM appointment with Kelley, my "meds" rep at All Day Medical...at 8:43 AM I was sound asleep, thanks to the pill I took (that Kelley prescribed BTW) after coming back from CJ's open mic Tuesday night...that I made it to ADM by 9:10 is definitely a miracle...I never EVER oversleep--EVER...well, there's a first time for everything, right? She's decreasing the amount of Hydroxine and INCREASING the dosage of Welbutrin....guess I'll be hearing from CVS sometime today...Kelley suggests taking a a "Hydro" about eight hours before taking the 2nd one--about an hour before bedtime...which means I take the first one at about three o' clock, more or less...that's AFTER my nap...
        She did say that I should set ONE goal per day and try to accomplish it--and "pat myself on the back" when I do...that I can do...
11:50AM--for whatever reason, I feel better than I did an hour or so ago...and frankly, I deserve it...
8:33PM--got the new dosages from Kelley/CVS...guess I'll start on the "Hydro" this evening...
THURSDAY 8/19/21 7:50AM--I took my first crack at cooking bacon since probably 1985 this morning...two of the four slices *I* deemed as being edible...I suppose that by the time I get good at it, the bacon will be all gone...maybe I can throw it away without Dianne catching me...I think getting outta bed was my first mistake...
10:42PM--the trash and the recycle-ables are on the sidewalk where they belong...Dianne seems to be nervous about the new cleaning ladies' first visit--sometime tomorrow...
SATURDAY 8/21/21 4PM--*I* think the roomie is under a lot of pressure from the workplace...it takes her most of the weekend to calm down--IN MY OPINION...and what she watches on TV to (allegedly) relax herself  makes almost NO sense to me...Most of he medical staff on Grey's Anatomy seems to be made up of very unlikeable people...and this new show--KIM'S CONVIENCE is about (mostly) unlikeable KOREANS (?) and some white folks too...I just don't get it...I must be missing something--it's gotta be one of the worst TV shows I've ever seen...
10:35PM--as I said on Flakebook, I hope I NEVER end up in a hospital, IF Grey's Anatomy is what a hospital is really like...holy sh*t...

invisiibility must have SOME advantages, right?

 

        SUNDAY 8/15/21 11:18AM--I'm definitely depressed...all I wanna do is sleep and eat...when the highlight of your day is having REAL cheese for Lunch, it's a pathetic Life...hoping to have mac&cheese for Dinner tonight...the chicken strips I had yesterday were just ok IMO...I have a few pieces leftover...guess I'll have them on Monday...or, if I can get away with it, I'll just throw 'em out...I need to pay for 'em first...
                10:36PM--as far as *I* know, some of my dirty laundry got washed earlier today, along with some of Dianne's dirty laundry...having clean laundry makes me feel a bit less depressed--and THAT'S pathetic too...In social media News, I think I've locked everyone outta my Flakebook page...of course, it sucks feeling like I have no friends...maybe I do, but I dunno who they are...and it really sucks knowing that my Life has been a total waste...no wonder I'm depressed...
11:06PM--in less than an hour, it will be Monday 8/16/21...it would have been my Father's 105th birthday...this makes me feel even more depressed...because maybe he was right about me--HE called it "lazy"...*I* call it "unambitious"...what I don't know is am I depressed because I'm "unambitious" or am I unambitious because I'm depressed...some choice...
MONDAY 8/16/21 9:23AM--hoping to get back to my  "normal" Gburg existence soon...still depressed, just eating and sleeping...and watching TV...for the umpteenth time, I'm trying to distance myself from Fakebook...
10:27AM--especially since it seems to be f**ked up in some manner...
10:11PM--the new cleaning lady stopped by today...dunno what she thinks about the house, the job, or us...her husband's name is George (likely pronounced  Hor-hay, and spelled Jorge) and today (as previously noted) is my Father's birthday...HIS name was George...
TUESDAY 8/17/21 11:29AM--I have to keep checking the calendar to make sure it's actually TUESDAY, because to me it feels like Monday...I think CJ wants me to come to his open mic, but I'm undecided...I DID accomplish something this morning...I got rid of the re-cycleables AND I found out when my appointments at ALL DAY MEDICAL actually are--my med appointment with Kelley (?) is tomorrow at 9AM (yikes!) and my appointment with my new therapist is on the 30th--unfortunately it's VIRTUAL...

It makes sense to ME

 

SATURDAY 8/14/21 9:50AM-I think I’m gonna stay here in Rockville until later on today, somewhere around 4 o’clock or so… I don’t want to use up gas going back-and-forth, especially in a car without a working air conditioner, in 100 degree (or more) heat…I’d rather wait and just take ONE shower before Dianne and I go to Hershey’s…
11:15AM-I’m having lunch about 45 minutes early, mostly because I’m bored, not because I’m hungry… The plan for now is to watch BACK TO THE FUTURE  and take a nap after the movie is over – at approximately 2:30…dunno how long the nap will last…then I’ll get up clean up and straighten up, feed the cat and leave…
11:37AM-just talked on the phone with Dianne… I’m gonna stay here until I feed the cat and then I’m going to leave for Gaithersburg…she seems to be having second thoughts about going out tonight; it depends on how she feels later whether she goes at all or we go separately or whatever…as for tomorrow, I have no idea what’s going to happen…
1:33PM-Dianne says she bought me some groceries, including good cheese, the “real kind”, whatever that might mean… she says she also bought me some Diet Dr Pepper – I am worried that it will be “NO SUGAR” Dr Pepper, which *I* don’t think tastes the same – at least not the first time I tried it…I wish she woulda checked with me first…oh well…
6:15PM--Dianne actually remembered how I felt about "No Sugar" Dr. Pepper...apparently it's still possible to get DIET Dr. Pepper, and so she did...On the other hand, I KNEW I'd leave something in Rville...it was the Klondike Bars--dammit...
9:32PM--stopped off at Giant on the way home from Hershey's (the SR3 gig)...got Klondike Bars and some other stuff...

A busy day-sorta

             FRIDAY 8/13/21 12:27AM-bedtime is three minutes away… I got home from my gig an hour and a half ago (roughly) and I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open…I don’t yet have any plans for later today; and I’m OK with that…

8:52AM-just got back from the grocery store… Why can’t I get everything in one trip? I’d like to think I’ve got everything I need at this point – cheese baloney bread soda milk dessert… Tonight‘s dinner? Hotdogs… I don’t think I need to go to G Berg, but if Dianne needs me to do something then I’ll go… frankly, I hope she doesn’t need me to do anything – I need to recover from last night’s festivities…and it’s super hot and humid outside…

1:17PM-I thought I was going to make it to 2 o’clock before I took my nap but I can’t keep my eyes open… so I’m going upstairs now; for how long, I don’t know… Hopefully until at least 3 o’clock…

4:41PM-so it was about 3 o’clock when I decided to get out of bed and do some laundry…so the one load I washed is in the dryer, until about 5:30 or so…

5:35PM-looking forward to TOMORROW evening…as far as I know, Dianne and I are going to Hershey’s to see SR3…I dunno what else, if anything, we’re going be doing during the day…

6:39PM-I think I’ll be glad when the house sitting  is finally over and I can get back to Gburg more or less permanently…about 22 hours left… I get to do it again in September, for about five days… I imagine that will be the absolute last time as Mike and Linda are moving to Florida…

10:25PM-here we go again… Not sure if I’ll make it to midnight never mind 1:30 AM… and something weird is happening here in Rockville… If I get too much sleep I get a headache – that doesn’t happen in Gburg…

A surprise I could do without

 

       TUESDAY 4AM-The smoke alarm went off – but I don’t know why…I couldn’t find any reason for it to have gone off…Fortunately, it stopped after a minute or two… but it was a rude awakening, to say the least…
7:48AM-SueEl has to take a rain check on our lunch date… I’m OK with that; on the other hand it leaves me with nothing to look forward to this morning… Maybe that’s OK too… either later today or sometime tomorrow I plan on putting new strings on Butterscotch…
I don’t mind having nothing to do… but for all I know, Dianne might have something for me to do in Gaithersburg…
4:33PM-The smoke alarm went off again this afternoon… I told Linda; she suggested I remove the battery, so I took the whole thing off the ceiling – that should do the trick, right?
5:36PM-Butterscotch has new strings on it…
5:48PM-MAYBE It’s not supposed to rain this evening, but I’m hearing thunder and my car has more than a few raindrops on it already… I saw them when I went to get today’s mail…
7:45PM-I was having trouble with the remote control when it occurred to me that maybe it needed new batteries…so I “borrowed” some from the upstairs remote control…now I have to go to Giant and get some more batteries…And I may as well get some more diet root beer while I’m there…
WEDNESDAY 8/11/21 11:09AM--back in Gburg, if only for a little while...I've got soda bread milk bologna no cheese...
12:15PM--it's been a fairly crappy day so far...I shoulda stayed in Rockville...at least there I have cheese...
12:34PM--for what I think is the first time in my Life EVER, I deliberately had a baloney sandwich (w/o cheese) for Lunch...it was OK, not great...but OK....I guess Dianne and I are not exactly having Lunch together today...Dinner for tonight might be Fettucine Alfredo...

4:12PM- back in Rockville…I brought paper towels and the Graphic EQ stomp box back with me…and the Mag Malate too…

9PM-it must be a recent development-along about 9 o’clock I start having trouble keeping my eyes open…and I think it’s only because I’m here in Rockville and not at home…I feel as though tomorrow is going to be a fairly busy day…That worries me at least a little…

I like the Place, maybe

 

        THURSDAY 8/5/21 11:30AM--ALL DAY HEALTH CARE went really well, I think...going back next Thursday to talk meds and some other day to start therapy...
3:20PM--the $85 dollars I got this past Tuesday is down to $36 dollars already...sheesh...
FRIDAY 8/6/21 8:26AM--doing laundry...I gotta be in Rockville by Yoshi's dinnertime Sunday...Beyond that, and the Gtown flea market (tomorrow) I dunno WHAT'S I'm doing...
SATURDAY 8/7/21 9:30AM-I’m sitting  outside at Trader Joe’s… Dianne is inside shopping; there  wasn’t a whole lot going on at the  Germantown flea market…I think that new medicine the doctor prescribed for me really knocks me on my ass… 9:30 and I’m ready for a nap;
9:30PM--maybe it was a big mistake, but I took a pill that, among other things, makes me sleepy...I don't think I'll make it to11PM much less Midnight...In fact, I think I'm gonna go to bed at 10PM...I don't WANT to, but my body seems to be in charge...If /when I wake up in the middle of the night, I'll watch the episode of ST-TOS that comes on at 10PM...I'm recording it, as far as I know...
SUNDAY 8/8/21 8:54AM--started packing for the housesitting gig, not yet finished...put the living room curtains back up- by myself...probably did it wrong though...let's see what the roomie says...
MONDAY 8/9/21 9:54AM--well, the appointment with my new therapist was (allegedly) NOT this morning, but TOMORROW morning...someone screwed up, but I don't think it was ME...oh well...I went to Giant and bought groceries for Gburg AND Rville...
10:30AM--and I fucked up with the groceries--I bought actual popcorn instead of cheese doodads...it's Monday for sure...after my nap I'll go to Safeway to see what I can get there, snack-wise...
10:05PM-I think BOTH of my appointments, the therapist and the physician, have been rescheduled in some manner…There’s a voicemail that I saved that should explain things one way or the other…I think this means I don’t have to be anywhere at 10:15 Tuesday morning…and I’m OK with that…

Is today the day?

 

               MONDAY 8/2/21 9:30AM--I reluctantly used my laptop and the Internet to contact All Day Medical...I'm waiting for them to confirm my request for a 4PM appointment for TODAY...It was way too easy, which makes me skeptical about it actually happening...
        In the meantime, I gotta shower and shave to prepare for my lunch date with SueEl...when I get confirmation, THEN I'll tell Dianne...but for now I'm on pins and needles waiting to hear back from All Day Medical...Dunno if they're gonna use e-mail or text messaging...
2:10PM--it turns out I was not quite dealing with All Day when I set up the appointment...so after Lunch w/SueEl at McD's I went to the Office and set up the appointments--one for meds, one for therapy...*I* feel as though some celebration is in order...after my attempted nap of course...
5:15PM--I'm reluctant to say it out loud, the day isn't over yet, but it's been a very good day, especially considering that it's Monday...Tomorrow is looking to be rather hectic...I've got two errands to do for Dianne and (as far as *I* know) I'll be making a trip to the Main Stage Grille with Lou and SueEl..
WEDNESDAY 8/4/21 8:20AM--.I've only been up for about an hour, but it has been a good day so far...I've got lotsa cleaning up to do and paperwork to fill out...and that's scaring me quite a bit; I wish Dianne could help me, but she can't, at least until about 5 o'clock...hopefully I'm making a mountain out of a molehill; I'm good at doing that...
6:40PM--I tackled the All Day paperwork...I filled it out to the best of my ability...I hope that was good enough......not my first choice, but I'm gonna have to take a shower this evening, if I take one at all--and I really should...
10:10PM--gonna shower and shave tomorrow morning after all...I do hope I get some sleep tonight...all this anxiety...but I could/should be home before 10:30--THAT"S good news...
THURSDAY 8/5/21 7:30AM--.well, whatever's gonna happen at All Day Medical is gonna happen in about an hour or so...I can't wait to get back home...my "dressed up" watch has died...unsure what to do about it, if I do anything....