depressed AND angry

 

          SATURDAY 1/9/21 11:17AM--the current political/social climate in this country has (I think) made my depression worse...it's also got me seething with anger, and that's unhealthy for a man my age, in the shape I'm in...
       The big event of the day so far is the planned trip to CVS, with the roomie...we should be leaving shortly, after I eat Lunch...
2:13PM--we went to CVS, Dianne went on to Kohl's...I hope to be napping soon...
4:49PM--the nap started late...I guess dinner (whatever it's gonna be) will be a bit late as well--the roomie is asleep, snoring a bit...I'm glad I've got one more day before the MRI...
MONDAY 1/11/21 10PM--Had the MRI...it was not at all enjoyable, not even a little...but I survived it, and the five and a half (or so) hours without food or drink...
TUESDAY 1/12/21 4PM--made an appointment to see my hemotologist--tomorrow at 11AM...I think HE reports back to Dr. Gendal's office...
7:32PM--For (hopefully) the last time I posted something on Fakebook...If I "pushed the right buttons" nobody will be able to post on my page...Like I've done before, I'll just pop in every now and then...well, probably a bit more often than that...but I've had it with phony friendships...
           I've been thinking about it for quite sometime...and I realized the Truth--the best (and IMO only) friend I have is Dianne...and I think about all the time I wasted being a Musician in Montgomery County, thinking I had friends here...they say it's never too late to get an education...
                 In fact, and I don't think I'm wrong, I've pretty much wasted my whole Life...NONE of my dreams came true, not that there were tjat many...I accept MY share of the blame for that, but only my share...For instance, even now I fantasize about doing an online "radio" show...but I wake up quickly and face reality...and I kinda hate reality...
MIDNIGHT--At least when it comes to being a Musician, apparently I wasn't as good as I thought I was--which was pretty good, not the "best" but not the worst...as for the people that DID compliment me, now their compliments feel like total bullshit...
            And another thing, *I* never hear from anybody...I get tired of being the guy who reaches out to THEM...I have heard from Lou a couple of times, but that's all...Of course, Amanda probably keeps him busy...and I've heard from SLR a couple of times, but no more than that...