goodbye 2020, thank you SSA!

 

    WEDNESDAY 12/30/2020 9:18PM--I think the roomie has a Project for us(?) tomorrow...I don't think I've got anything else to do...I think it has something to do with cleaning up the basement...My gut tells me it's gonna be a LOT of work...In fact, I KNOW it's gonna be a lot of work...I hope I have enough provisions to make it to Friday...dunno what's gonna be open on New Year's Day...of course this year is very different from years past, due to the pandemic...I don't wanna go out again tomorrow, but I might have to...
          THURSDAY 12/31/2020 9:20AM--I got the SSA check overnight!!! Three (or four?) days early!!! I'm stunned...and suddenly, only getting a $600 stimulus check (instead of $2000) doesn't bother me...like I always say, anything is better than nothing...pretty sure I'm gonna pay-off my credit card...dunno when I'm gonna get the $600; allegedly a guy I know already got his...I guess it's possible...
8:35PM--whether I want to or not (I don't) Dianne, me and my acoustic guitar are going to Mike and Linda's on Saturday evening...oh well...
FRIDAY 1/1/219:54AM--thinking about the $600 stimulus check made me wonder exactly when I got the first one...The $1200 dollars landed in the Bank on 4/29/20...I have no idea when the $600 is gonna get here...maybe I wasn't at first, but now I'm grateful for it...
4:21PM--I think the visit with the Aprils is a done deal...trying to remember the last time Dianne did something that *I* made her do...maybe not since we were divorced in 2006...FOURTEEN years ago!!!
SATURDAY 1/2/2021 11AM--I got up and outta bed around 8:45 or so...Dianne went back to bed about thirty minutes ago...I guess she's resting up for the visit with the April's...oh boy...I still don't wanna go...she says I should go and bring the acoustic because I shouldn't be so self-centered, etc.
                  I still don't have the latest stimulus money...I had a specific idea for it, but I've forgotten what that idea was...

that time of year again and I don't mean Xmas

 

         THURSDAY 12/24/2020 10:38AM--I know her Birthday is still two days away, but I'm already thinking about DLH...she'll be turning 67 I think...every year (at least once) I wonder if she has EVER thought about me in the last (nearly) FIFTY years...I seriously doubt it...I'm not 100% sure I wanna know what she looks like nowadays...that sounds mean, but I don't mean for it to sound mean... 
       There was a Freedman/April family Zoom meeting last night...that hour and 15 minutes felt like three hours...I don't think that anybody would miss me if I wasn't there...But I think Alvin would actually ask about me--not my nephews or my niece...and certainly not Ross...oh well...
 NOON--I had a late breakfast so I'm gonna have a late Lunch and probably a late Dinner as well...I don't know what day it is w/o looking at my watch or phone or laptop...
FRIDAY (?) 12/25/2020 1:21PM--other than knowing it's Xmas Day, I'm really having trouble remembering what day it is...maybe it has to do with Dianne NOT going to work...in fact, she'll be off for about a week or so...gotta get used to THAT...
SATURDAY 12/26/2020 11AM--I wonder where she is...I suppose I could (possibly) contact her Father, but I'm too scared to do that...She might remember me, but I don't think her Dad would...and I would want the reunion to go smoothly, naturally enough...of course, the Universe may think such a reunion is a bad idea...which pretty much settles that...
SUNDAY 12/27/2020 5PM--starting to get nervous about the CT Scan...I'm clean and clean shaven and I'm wearing clean underwear...and clean socks...can't wait until it's over...
MONDAY 12/28/2020 11:08AM--and it's over now...I didn't have to drink the stuff, the procedure was painful enuff...it was done intravenously--with needles...ugh...but it's done, and that's all that matters...I DO feel kinda "oogy" which is normal...and it IS Monday, a usually dangerous day anyway...
9:08PM--looking forward to not doing very much tomorrow...I'm OK with that...

that took long enough

 

         MONDAY 12/21/2020 9:05PM--quite awhile back, I can't even remember how long ago, my PCP sent me to a specialist who recommended that I get a CT Scan...today I talked to the Specialist's receptionist about sending the refferral to the Imaging Center that I chose...My appointment is next Monday morning...I feel as though the weight of the World has been lifted from my shoulders...There are other items on my "to do" list, but I've got one less than I had yesterday...it feels kinda weird, almost exciting...
           I think the next challenge is getting new glasses...I MIGHT actually start that process tomorrow...but I wouldn't bet on it...
TUESDAY 12/22/2020 10PM--still feeling a bit weird about the relative lack of urgency I'm living with now that I got the CT scan scheduling taken care of...but I like it...  

could hardly care less

 

                FRIDAY 12/11/2020 5:35PM--How depressed I must be to not even wanna write about how depressed I am...there's a song in there somewhere I think...
          THURSDAY 12/17/2020 9:34PM--not really feeling any better...a curious thing has started happening...I see a photo of an attractive woman, and I get--something--more likely lonely than horny...just spotted an old photo of someone I used to know on Flakebook...it was taken during a period of unintentional estrangement, about 1989...the whole time I've known her, she was already with someone...weird...*I* don't have the vocabulary to describe the feeling...Angela has expressed the idea on FB that's SHE'S "lonely"...if she only knew...I don't think her knowing my feelings for her, whatever they actually are, would make her happy...I'm fully aware of what I look like, and how messed up I am...besides which, I'm still in a bizarre relationship of some kind with my ex-wife...So even IF I was, er, uh, capable of a "physical" relationship with Angela and IF she had affection for me, I don't think my "roomie" would be at all happy about me having any kind of relationship with another woman...I think I can guarantee that...
              SATURDAY 12/19/2020 11:12PM--I join certain Flakebook groups to entertain myself and educate myself to some degree as well...but if I'm unhappy, I split...I did that a little while ago with a Phish fan site...I can explore their Music just fine by myself, thank you...I've left one or two other groups; if I'm not happy, I split...Flakebook is full of assholes, like the whole Planet...

a slow but (so far) painless decay

 

         SATURDAY 12/5/2020 11:01PM--earlier this evening, I felt a tooth getting loose...it didn't hurt and it didn't bleed...but about an hour ago, it came out altogether...and again, there was no blood and no pain...and yet, I'm still scared...I don't think Medicare and/or UHC (United Health Care) will pay for dental work  that is (possibly) purely cosmetic...
    And I will likely start getting nervous about Monday's Dr. appointment tomorrow, if I'm not already...I know it could be worse, but IMO my Life (as far as I can tell) stinks...