getting ever closer then stopping suddenly

           FRIDAY 12/20/19 8:07 AM--I've only got about $60 left to pay on my Litz account until it's paid off...I'm sooo tempted to buy something, but what? Don't answer that...a Telecaster? an electric 12 string? The Tele idea kinda makes sense, but the newer electric XIIs by Fender have the same kind of bridge as my fake Strat, so why bother?...what I might do is trade my Bass in for store credit then buy a Bass that is easier on my hand...I wanna wait for awhile, think about it a bunch before I do anything...
         10:44 AM--I just spent $10.00 to get information that I thought might pertain to DLH's Father...his addresses DO go back to Ellicott City, but not back to the 70s...I'm not willing to risk contacting him unless I'm 110% sure he's Debbie's Father...if I knew what her Mother's first name is/was, I'd be a bit more sure...but there's no mention of him having a daughter...so, for now I'm giving up...
          Awhile back I ran outta Vyvance...*I* think that in addition to keeping me awake during what would normally be naptime, it was making me edgy, and short-tempered...I was gonna get more, but then I started feeling less edgy, etc. so I decided to stop taking it...so far, I'm glad I did...
      Partially because I went out last night and partially because I wanna save myself for Monday, I probably won't go anywhere tonight or Saturday night...
    SATURDAY 12/21/19 9AM--As for Sunday, I will likely go have brunch with my ex-in-laws...and I should start prepping for the Derwood Xmas show...
7:31 PM--Dianne told me that Sue told her that Billy told Sue that Nancy told Billy that a Doctor told Nancy that she has Alzheimer's...I absolutely think Nancy should get a second opinion...in fact, I think that's the plan...but the news is very depressing to me...
SUNDAY 12/22/19 11:15 AM--the news about Nancy is still affecting me...as is seeing photos of Angela on Flakebook...in both cases, I find myself thinking about what might have been...in both cases, my attraction to either of them is based on "physical desire"; I think I am/was only marginally compatible with them both...on the other hand, Dianne and I have our differences too...Nancy is now and just about always has been too far away from me geographically...and I never saw any signs that she felt the same way about me as I think I felt about her...
      As for Angela, *I* think I've creeped her out...and I think she probably knows how I feel about her...she may even know that my feelings have more to do with amorous desire than any emotional or intellectual connection...and the sad part is that I'll never know what it's like to be "intimate" with her or any other woman, because that "machinery" no longer works...and even if it DID,  how could I do that to Dianne? Married though we no longer are...so that's that...