why now?

                SATURDAY 10/12/19 8:40 AM--Dianne had business to tend to at Home Depot; the kitchen remodeling project had hit a rough patch of road...I have a pretty strong temper, which sometimes kicks in when SHE'S angry...it  tends to happen when we are fighting, but it can happen when she's mad at someone else...So before we went to Home Depot to find out why the kitchen remodeling project seemed to be hitting a roadblock...I took two Xanax and then a few minutes later, another one...The visit to Home Depot was peaceful...
       I made it to about 10:30 before I went to bed...I slept until about 7:30 AM...there was a bathroom visit at some point (not exactly sure when) but I went back to sleep...I had a dream in which Dianne and I were hanging out with Lena (!) somewhere, I don't think it was Australia, but who knows? I think Lena had a companion, but he kept drifting in and out of the dream..She took us to some kind of church--it was super informal, but they asked certain people to introduce themselves...I was one of those people...I kept trying to stay close to Lena, but then I'd think better of it...if the dream means anything *I* dunno what that is...Thought about telling her but then I realized that was pointless...she could hardly be further away...I still find it hard to believe she's actually IN Australia...she was/is almost dangerously "quirky"...
SUNDAY 10/13/19 10:10 AM--I think Lena really wanted to end her marriage, but for all I know she could be in California or Canada...
          As for me, today, I don't WANT to do anything, but at some point I'll cave in and do something out of boredom...
7:38 PM--I got the sound machine today...the idea is that whatever sound I pick will help me fall asleep...I'll try the babbling brook sound tonight...the cleaning ladies are coming sometime on TUESDAY instead of Thursday...Dianne's surgery is on Wednesday...we have to be at the doctor's office in Bethesda at about 6:30 AM--UGH...I have no idea when we'll be back...and of course I'll be taking care of her all day Wednesday...NO band practices (or anything else) for me...
         I don't think I mentioned this earlier--the lenses popped out of my glasses...I found one of them...haven't found the other one--yet...it would cost a perverted amount of money to replace it...I'm wearing the pair of glasses I had before the latest pair...*I* think they're working just as well; maybe they don't look as good on my face, but I have no reason to care about that...