smart, but pointless and pathetic

 

      SUNDAY 3/28/21 4:15PM--I can't EVEN remember when/how I first saw her face...I suspect it was some article about selfies...She was taking a selfie at a  Springsteen concert...What she didn't know was that Bruce saw her taking it and pointed at the camera...the look on her face is pure joy...When it comes to the opposite sex, I've always seen the face first...the body a close second, sure, but 99% of the time I look at the face first...I pat myself on the back a little for coming up with the idea of Googling  "springsteen selfie girl" or something similiar...
     To my amazement, it worked...she's on Instagram, if no other social media...she's looks young enough to be my Granddaughter...but nobody has to worry, I won't EVER set foot in Australia...at least I THINK that's where she lives...I can't determine what she does to pay the bills...I seriously think she could be a model...She is apparently trained as an astrophysicist...one of her screen names is "astro kitten" I think...she seems to have the means by which she can do a lot of World travelling...
FRIDAY 4/2/21 9:38PM--I'm sure a lot of stuff happened between Monday and today, but at this point I can't remember most if not all of it...

I can't go back there either

 

    SATURDAY 3/27/21 10:27PM--went out grocery shopping...humiliated/embarrassed myself again...won't be going to the Muddy Branch Giant for awhile--if I can help it...
      Still haven't gotten the latest stimulus check...starting to wonder if I'm SUPPOSED to...I got the first two, so I should get the third one as well, right?
   Very slowly, the live music scene is starting up again...I couldn't care less...I think I will enjoy staying away from it...

I can't go back there

 

         SATURDAY 3/20/21 11PM--this morning Dianne and I went to Harris Teeter...I mistook a young boy cashier for a young girl cashier...I managed to joke my way out of the situation, but I don't think I should/can go back there for quite awhile...I'll probably forget that, but I really don't want to...In my defense, he had short hair and a girls' voice...I'm willing to wager he was gay...and I couldn't care less about that...
       The spot where the vaccine went in was VERY sore earlier today, but (I think) it's getting better...I think it will be all better by morning...
           TUESDAY 3/23/2021 10:30PM--still having trouble getting things done...went to MyEyeDr. to find out what, if anything, I can do about my glasses...incredibly enough, I think I'm actually gonna have to but NEW ones, frames AND lenses...FROM SOMEBODY ELSE...surely I've learned a major lesson in being impatient...
FRIDAY 3/26/21 7PM--got my haircut today...the cost has gone up and I had an issue with the result...apparently I have a cowlick, and it won't go away...the best I can do is flatten it with water and/or gel...

very slowly coming back to Life

 

  

TUESDAY 3/16/21 9:43PM--I guess I need to make a TO DO list, on paper...there seems to be a lot of stuff I need to get done...
WEDNESDAY 3/17/21 10PM--Dianne (naturally) got ME an appointment at QOHS to get the COVID vaccine...Thursday morning at 11AM...
THURSDAY 3/18/21 5:41PM--getting more and more nervous, afraid something will go wrong...have no idea whatsoever when I'll be home...possibly not before 2:00...I think I'm gonna pack a Lunch...
FRIDAY 3/19/21 9:51AM--decided to just take a snack of some sort and some form of sugar to keep me going, although I imagine adrenalin will take care of that...not gonna DRINK anything after I take my Meds, which is now...how I wish it was done and over with...Mostly I'm concerned with waiting outside in the cold, and waiting in general...
1:41PM--got to QOHS about 10:40, left there about 1:00 or so...didn't hurt, no side effects (yet)...
5:09PM--still no side effects, shouldn't there be? I chatted with a couple of people waiting in line...the man seemed especially nice, but now I think he was kinda faking it...that sounds like paranoia, but that doesn't mean it is...the more I think about it, the more I think I'm NOT being paranoid...
9PM--Dianne belatedly realised she was sitting less than six feet away from the plumber when he was filling out paperwork...now she's worried about catching COVID...If she hasn't gotten sick in two weeks, she's in the clear...
9:13PM--had Giuseppi's Pizza for Dinner...guess I'll have the leftovers tomorrow...only had two slices this evening, but then again,  I ate all the mozzarella sticks...which leaves six (?) slices for tomorrow...not gonna eat all of them for Dinner...

It would be something to get used to

                    SATURDAY 3/13/21 NOON-if I shopped at Aldi‘s more often, I’d know where everything is but I don’t shop here hardly at all so I don’t know where ANYTHING  is...I was hoping to be home by 12:30… *I* am done shopping but Dianne is not; I dunno why but GEICO apparently hasn’t taken their money yet...this makes nervous...
9:16PM--the soda I bought (Diet Coke, in cute little 7.5 ounce cans) came out to seven cents per ounce--I don't think Giant or Safeway can top that...but in order to get Fudgesicles and diet root beer, I'll have to go Giant...
                 SUNDAY 3/14/21 11:51AM--gonna have Lunch soon, even though my body thinks it's 10:51AM...after which I'll likely go take a nap, for who knows how long...after THAT, I'm hoping to go to Giant and get soda and fudgsicles...and whatever else I might need...which shouldn't be much...
6:32PM--went to the store got soda cereal and fudgsicles, nothing else...

a year ago, and then suddenly...

 

          FRIDAY 3/12/21 9:53PM--it was a year ago, possibly to the hour, that I made my last public appearence before the Pandemic really hit...as time went by, I started to get kinda depressed...I found myself thinking my Musical career and then ultimately my whole Life had been wasted...and yet, today I'm not as depressed as I was three or four days ago...this is especially significant I hadn't used Welbutrin in about A MONTH...I ran out, CVS lemme have some (6?) and when those were gone, THEY didn't get me anymore and *I* totally completely inexplicably FORGOT about the Welbutrin altogether...THAT is the part of all this that worries me the most...I assume it's only gonna get worse...oh boy...poor Dianne...

shouldn't change a thing

 

      FRIDAY 3/12/21 6:33PM--ran into my friend Gail a little while ago...we seem to get along fine, except--a bit of a surprise--she seems to be slightly anti-Fauci...she doesn't appear to be a Chumpster though...She doesn't appear to be one of those people who (like me) think the US is opening back up too soon...she wants to go see her "favorite band", The Crimestoppers...it figures...I almost but didn't tell her that I feel hurt because I wasn't even asked if I wanted to audition for the 'stoppers offshoot band --Danger Bird...
       Slowly (VERY slowly) I'm starting to possibly feel like perhaps I might wanna start playing Music again...by which I mean working in my "studio"...maybe it has something to do with the arrival of Spring...that and starting Welbutrin again...sheesh...

that was a surprise

 

          THURSDAY 3/11/21 7:47AM--about two hours or so ago, I had a dream about Jessica...it was very brief, but pleasant enough, definitely "G" rated...It wasn't MY idea...
          I was thinking that my Dr's. appoitment was in G-town--it's not, it's about (maybe) four miles down the road...do ya suppose today's gonna be a good day?
10:51AM--the Doctor's visit went very well, IMO...I pissed a fair amount and gave 'em some blood...I go back for a follow-up in June...I'll have to deal with the Billing Department myself, I guess...The Office allegedly has nothing to do with Billing...
11:07AM--Considering how I felt on Tuesday, I feel really good right now...But remember: When Things Look Up, It's Time to Look Out...
8:47PM--there's still time before it's officially over, but today has been pretty darn good IMO...and I AM grateful...and tomorrow's FRIDAY!!! But I have an appointment at Dr. Gendal's office...like always, I wanna be home before Noon...we'll see...
9:18PM--there's a LOT of "Remember what happened a year ago" posts on "social media" this week...I've already alluded to the start of the Pandemic myself...I'm trying to save my observations until tomorrow...
         In FINANCIAL NEWS, the $1400 stimulus check could land in my Bank account in a few days...I think I might use it to repair the car's air conditioner...But I'm gonna do some financial research before I spend the entire $1400...I hope it is possible that it can be fixed for less than the $1500 or so that the guys across the street would charge...but I won't know until I do the research...gonna work on that on Monday...

Senility REALLY sucks

 

               WEDNESDAY 3/10/21 Noon--so now, in addition to my appointment tomorrow in Germantown, I have an appoitment at Dr. Gendal's office on Friday at 10AM...
4:40PM--it belatedly (VERY belatedly) occurred to me while I've been so short-tempered around the house, if not anywhere else...I haven't had any Welbutrin for a couple of weeks...WHY didn't I realize that until TODAY? In any case, I'll start taking it again tomorrow morning...SHEEEEESH...Senility sucks...I actually feel better knowing the reason I felt so bad...maybe (MAYBE) I'm not quite as depressed as I've been thinking I was...
8:34PM-I haven’t even started taking the stuff again and I feel better already…
10:11PM--it's kinda frightening how much better I feel now than I did this afternoon--and I haven't taken ANY Welbutrin...

what other day COULD it be?

 

           MONDAY 3/8/21 1:10PM-- I'm at that point where if I didn't wake up in the morning, I'd be happy...On the other hand, it seems like a lousy thing to do to Dianne--leave HER to deal with all my earthly possessions...of course, when yer dead, NOTHING matters...
1:28PM--it's official, I think...I'm a senile old man...senility looks, on the surface (to ME anyway) a lot like stupidity...and stupidity may be preventable but I don't think senility is...as depressed as I have been lately, today's events have made me feel way worse...today’s events being that I need my EX-wife to help me with stuff that SHE could probably do (for herself) in minutes...it took her minutes to (I think) work on my stuff...
TUESDAY 3/9/21 9:54PM--it was an OK day, I guess...I don't remember any details really...
 

   

who cares? apparently no one

                 

                   SUNDAY 3/7/2021 4:09PM--I announced my Musical retirement on Ray's Fakebook page, four hours ago...no reaction of any kind...and that's one reason I quit playing...that must sound like an ego thing...and maybe it is...I never said I was the greatest, or acted like I was, or acted like I thought I was...but I was (IMO) pretty good...and some people indicated that they liked what I was doing--maybe they were lying...maybe they just didn't wanna hurt my feelings...
6:47PM--still no reaction to my retirement announcement--a good indicator that my Musical career (if not my whole Life) was a waste of Time...pretty depressing if you ask me...
On March the 13th (a Friday) I played what has turned out to be my last public performance...On May 16th, three days before my 65th birthday, I posted a video on youTube of a solo recording I did--my arrangement of BABY'S IN BLACK...with the exception of a sit-in with Lou in his back yard, and a pair of "jams" with my ex-brother-in-law in HIS backyard, that was the last time I willingly played guitar...and I still don't miss it-- at all...
7:31PM-it may seem delusional but I still think if someone else "twiddled the knobs" I could come up with an album's worth of good original Music...I would possibly throw in a cover or two, who knows...
10:30PM--I THOUGHT I wrote an entry reflecting on the fighting that Dianne and I did earlier today, but (naturally) NOW I don't see it...
11:18PM--about eleven hours now, STILL not a single comment...from ANY body...not even Ray himself...like I said, all those compliments I DID get all those years ago, and there were a few, feel like lies people told me...

Warehouse shopping in the age of COVID...

         SUNDAY 3/7/21...Is not nearly as much fun as it normally would be... there’s next to no place to sit and chill, because of COVID I guess…I think it’ll be Noon by the time we get home, if not later than that… now I REALLY wish I brought the spare key to Dianne‘s car, so I could sit in it and listen to the radio…
12:32PM--we got back home minutes before Noon...
 

but why?

 

               SATURDAY 3/6/21 9:47AM--I woke up somewhere around 3AM with the absolute worst case of "food poisoning" I've EVER had...I'm reluctant to elaborate; just use your imagination--then double it...I dunno if the crises has passed, but I hoping that it has--I'll cross my fingers...I had some cereal for breakfast...I hope nothing bad happens...I believe the bathroom is as clean as it was before I "used" it, if not a teeny bit cleaner...taking the down the outer shower curtain (don't ask, because *I* dunno how it got dirty) was way easier than I thought it would be...I hope putting it back up will be easy as well...
                    9:00PM--the shower curtain is not as clean as I thought it would be, even after running it thru the washing machine...So Dianne went shopping for a new one--I volunteered to pay for it...I've had lunch and dinner/dessert and (I think) everything is OK...but I'm keeping my fingers crossed just in case...

financial security for a day or two

 

         TUESDAY 3/2/21 10:20PM-- I think when I wake up in the morning I will have $1200 in the Bank...Hard to believe I carried about $300 dollars over from the last SSA check...maybe it's because I don't need to buy gas as often as I used to...I feel like I've spent a LOT on groceries though...allegedly the Gov't is gonna send out $1200 checks sometime in March--or is it $1400 checks? Whatever I get, I'll be happy with...that is, I'll try really hard to be satisfied...just double checked--it's $1400...They could be going out by mid-March...that's about two weeks from today...
      Something else happens in about two weeks...It will be the first anniversary of my "retirement" from being a Musician...a retirement that pretty much no one knows about...except (sorta) Dianne...I might have hinted to Gail that I've stopped...that's how I met her in the first place--we both moved in the same social/musical circle...Unless I announce it on Fakebook, no one will know...that is, until Life goes back to normal--by which I mean the Pandemic goes completely away--no more social distancing, no more masks...and I don't think I'll be missed--kinda like now...I don't hear from anybody, except (oddly enough) J.W. Blake...and frankly I think HE'S pretty dammed "quirky" himself...

depression sucks

 

           MONDAY 3/1/21 11:11PM--I've got quite a "to do" list, but I'm ignoring it...that's not at all good...I think I'm depressed...I WANT to get in touch with Family Services, but I'm not exactly sure how to do that...I think I'm gonna have to drive over there...with no guarantee that I'll be able to get in touch with anybody...the question is WHEN do I make the trip?