what about later?

          FRIDAY 6/28/19 9:50AM--a little while ago, I was checking a certain "adult" site...I became more than a little "frustrated"...it kinda bothered me...if I can't fully enjoy that sensation physically anymore, why would I still have the (intellectual?) desires--am I being punished by...someone or something? there isn't much I wouldn't trade to once again be able to experience that kind of pleasure...For any of several reasons, I strongly suspect I'll never again be able to "enjoy myself"--and that was the only sex life I had...the possibility that my housemate has the same problem doesn't help much...
       10:30AM--I'm thinking about making an attempt at "self satisfaction" later...but I'm just as likely to skip it altogether...I wouldn't be surprised if there was an OTC drug that might help people get back what they've lost...SLIGHTLY LATER--there doesn't seem to be any such medicine...it figures...of course, even IF I was perfectly healthy with a 7-inch "tool", I would still be me, with this face and a 64 year old (and deteriorating) body...and of course, I have to consider my roommate's feelings...if the shoe were on the other foot, I would be "uncomfortable" too...
        I guess I should be fairly happy with my Life the way it is now, but I'm not quite...it absolutely doesn't matter how many women I'm attracted to, or if I have my roommate's blessing...or if I was "well equipped", or even a little handsome...as far as I know, no women are the least bit attracted to ME--except, maybe as friends...whereas I, on the other hand, think about what it would be like to have a bit more than a friendship with a number of women...pathetic innit?
         Even long distance, I'd like to have a relationship with Shelley...I'd possibly have more success wishing for a million dollars...thinking there are people out there who don't wanna interact with me socially hurts quite a bit...I know she's not who she used to be, just like I'm not who *I* used to be...what I don't know, I suppose, is would I like whoever she is now? I'm not all that crazy about who *I* am now--I'd like to think I'm a better "me" than I was when I was around the age of eighteen...but I might NOT be...a little better looking, maybe...
      4:23PM--It wasn't easy, but I, uh, er, was successful in accomplishing my mission...it wasn't quite the euphoric event that it used to be, but I'm grateful that it happened at all...thanks to some degree to Angela...and that certain website...