how much longer can I last?

          WEDNESDAY 4/25/18 7:10PM- so here I am, parked in front of Rick's house… Practice is scheduled to start in about 20 minutes; I can’t wait till it’s over with… My intention is to pretty much be totally silent-I don’t think that’s gonna happen, but I’m gonna try… No matter how much we suck I’ll keep my mouth shut... I dunno for sure, I don’t think it’s a case of Barry’s ears not being able to hear mistakes, I just don’t think he gives a damn…
        11PM--well, I didn't/couldn't keep my mouth shut...for a few minutes *I* was singing lead on MISUNDERSTANDING...but Bruce expressed the opinion that Rick should sing it...so he does...I still have COME TOGETHER...but I would prefer that Rick NOT sing harmony on it--just because he can doesn't mean he should...And after all this time, Barry still has trouble scanning certain lyrics...and *I* still think it's possible that he does it to mess with me...
              I really hope we CAN'T go as a group to the OTWC tomorrow night...Bruce won't be there, so why SHOULD 3/5ths of the band play anywhere? Maybe someone else will cancel...The only good thing I can think of is that tomorrow night's open mic won't be hosted by Tish and Johnny V...
             As for the gig, I'm not expecting much of a turnout, and again, I wonder, does Barry care? And/or does he know what our biggest weakness is? IMO it's him, BTW...
           The whole situation is quite depressing...dunno how much longer I'll be a member of the Combustibles
                     FRIDAY 2AM--So I just got home from the THURSDAY night open mic...I must be good at something--lotsa people wanted me to play alongside them...and I got a bunch of compliments, from Musicians mostly...the Combustibles weren't as bad as I thought we were gonna be...but we weren't as good as I want us to be...I hope to be in bed about 40 minutes from now...
              12:37PM--I need to get either a hat or haircut or both--I'm tired of seeing photos of my receding hairline...dunno if I'm gonna have one or the other by tomorrow night's gig...
          7:12PM--I feel like I could go to bed soon, but I won't...gonna try to last until 10 o'clock, more or less...and yeah, some of MY Music is pretty f**king good IMO...
           9PM--after a few hours of thinking about stuff, I've become rather angry...that's not good...
SATURDAY 4/28/18 10:13AM--still not feeling good emotionally...and still a bit angry...or confused or...whatever...
  7:55PM-whatever’s gonna happen is gonna start happening in an hour...LATER- there’s a pretty good size crowd on the other side of the restaurant celebrating someone’s birthday hopefully they won’t all leave when we start playing; but it wouldn’t surprise me…