very uncomfortable

 

          WEDNESDAY 2/24/21 5:36PM--I overheard Dianne talking to her therapist--about me...that made me quite uncomfortable...the therapist asked Dianne about my parents...I heard that much...we haven't talked about the session yet...and I don't really want to...
THURSDAY 2/25/21 5:30PM--got a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning at 10AM...I might be back home by Noon...I sure hope so...
9PM--while I'm out, I will (hopefully) go to the grocery store AND pay a visit to MyEyeDr.--after a few days of ownership, my new glasses started acting goofy...specifically, the frames are acting weird...I can't really explain how, you'll just have to take my word for it...needless to say, it's been bugging me quite a bit...
9:47PM-- While I am looking forward to seeing Guilnara (sp?) tomorrow, I wish I could tell her the Truth when she asks me how I'm doing...and while I do acknowledge that I think I'm attracted to her...I'm not so far gone that I'm gonna act on these feelings, be they real or not...
10PM--I listen to Music when I'm sitting in my chair hanging out with Dianne--who's usually watching TV...but I have no desire to be a Musician anymore...in fact, thinking that I've wasted about FIFTY years as a Musician is super duper depressing...
MIDNIGHT--I have no idea HOW I fucked up the TV, but I think I did...Dianne will absolutely freak out tomorrow morning...the GUIDE feature is unavailable and I dunno how it happened or why...
FRIDAY 2/26/2021 12:02AM--I think I might have fixed the TV...I unplugged it then plugged it back in and let it reset itself...it seems to be back to normal...HUGE sigh of relief...
12:46PM--a very innaresting doctor's office visit today...some jerk was in the bathroom, but *I* didn't know that because the idiot didn't flip the "In Use/Vacant" sign--and he called ME a "motherfucker"...probably a Chumpster...I know it's another sweeping generalization, but they're not known for their smarts...still a bit shook up about it...
10:15PM--I just found what might have been an unfinished sandwich from LUNCH...maybe it was from a few minutes ago--except it seemed to be way too dry to be that recent...as I've become fond of saying, "It's only gonna get worse..." "It" being my senility... 

    

not quite back to normal

 

              MONDAY 2/22/21 5:08PM--I guess it's gonna take some time before things get back to normal here in Gburg...tomorrow I have a Dr.'s appointment at 10AM...a "fasting" blood draw...those are never fun...
           TUESDAY 10:15AM-so now seating in the waiting room is extremely limited, I dunno why...I’m out in the hallway...not at all comfortable...if I get back home by Noon it will be a miracle...this sucks if you ask me...
11:40AM-I might not get home until at least 1:00...that’s effin’  ridiculous...
1:14PM--got home about twenty minutes ago, more or less...a woman I know who takes walks to keep in shape spotted me and I spotted her...I think she hung around and even met me in front of the house so we could chat a bit...I suppose it's possible that she kinda sorta LIKES me a little...that makes me feel  good...I don't have many friends at all, so thinking I might have ONE (besides Dianne) kinda makes me feel good...
8:09PM--super depressed, I think...suddenly found myself thinking bout Angela...not that that does me ANY good...
                     I think I DO know how Lindburgh felt crossing the Atlantic alone...like I say, we come into this World alone, and we go out alone...why NOT spend the time in the middle alone as well?

back to “normal “

 SUNDAY 2/21/21 11:07 AM-well, the roomie wanted to go do something fun, so we went to the “doggie place” which is a mini version of the Unique thrift shop… I didn’t see even one book that I might possibly be interested in even if you twist my arm… Next stop? The At Home store-Home decor, housewares, etc. after which I believe we’re going to Giant to go grocery shopping… I don’t expect to be back home until at least 12:30, at which point I will have lunch…I hope to be napping by 2:30…We’ll see…12:07PM-I don’t think I WILL be napping by 2:30, more like 3:00-maybe…Dianne is still at the At Home  store…so now I’m thirsty AND hungry…maybe I should go to giant and get started;1:03PM-Dianne has just gone into the grocery store… I am sitting out in the car with the windows open to let the COLD air in, hoping that my frozen groceries (or the bag of ice) won’t thaw out or melt...

talk about anti-climax (35 years)

 

    FRIDAY 2/19/21 3:55PM--I had some trouble FINDING it of course, but I finally FINALLY made it to Second Story Books...it was overwhelming to put it mildly...and I couldn't find any books that I really wanted...can ya believe that? I can't...
            After I left I stopped at the grocery store to get a couple of things, but (naturally) I forgot to get some milk...I don't think I'll need it until I have breakfast tomorrow...and I've got just enough for the cereal, I think...I can hardly wait to get back home...one more evening, one more night, and one more day...I hope to be on my way home about 24 hours from now...
9:02PM--for a few moments, I actually thought I'd forgotten to have Dinner...then I realized that I DID eat something, I just couldn't remember what...then I remembered that I had three hot dogs--with Ketchup...and the cheese doodads were the appetizer...something else unusual happened this evening--I dozed off watching STAR TREK...it's true that I wasn't excited about watching that particular episode, but I didn't expect it to put me to sleep...
9:25PM--I'm about to have dessert when suddenly I'm worried about having had too much to eat...and I'm really looking forward to going to bed--wondering if I can make it to Midnight...
SATURDAY 2/20/21 8:05 AM--as far as I can tell, my biggest worry right now is having someplace to put my dirty clothes...I'm thinking trash bag..unlike my younger days, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of good stuff on TV...RAIDERS starts at 9AM and goes until 11:40, which is almost lunchtime...the attempted nap should get me to 2:30 or so...that gives me about two hours to pack...I'm gonna have some food to take back to Gburg...I think it's cold enough outside that the frozen stuff won't thaw out in the car during to journey home...I hope I'm right about that...
4:30PM--I THINK all I have to do is pack up the laptop, get the mail and feed the cat--probably in that order...I hope to be home before 5:30...
5:57PM--I knew I'd leave something at the Aprils'--I think it was the ketchup...but I'm soooo glad to be back home...
9:05PM--I lost one of the ear protectors off of my earbuds...incredibly enough, I actually found the extra set that came with them-I NEVER find stuff when I'm actually looking for it...I'm glad I'm home, but I'm gonna miss sleeping in what I think was Deborah's bed...
10:50PM-watching STAR TREK, having trouble keeping my eyes open...gonna go to bed when it’s over, in less than ten minutes...hoping to sleep until 7AM, but I don’t expect to...

it depends on the weather

 

          FRIDAY 2/19/21 10AM--I dunno for sure, but I think the weather will just about be good enough to go outside and dig out my car and go to Second Story Books...I'm not optimistic about enjoying the visit, frankly...but I kinda feel like I NEED to get out a little and I don't wanna go to the grocery store...I'm hoping to get rolling at about 3:30, more or less...I might even get Dinner while I'm out...I think there's a Wendy's near the book warehouse...
11:56AM--just finished a remix of Neil Young's TRANS version of MR. SOUL...it came out pretty good...and I gathered all my remixes into one Playlist...six songs, 35 minutes...

no attention span

 

         THURSDAY 2/18/21 8AM--I recorded MAMMA MIA last night so I would have something to watch today, if I wanted to...I don't think I have the patience to watch it--so I deleted it...how long will it be before I regret that decision...
    10:57AM--well, it took about three hours...hopefully there will be stuff to watch tonight, besides FRIENDS...I really don't wanna spend most of my waking hours eating...
11:07AM--just found out--Forrest Gump starts a 8 and goes until 11...so there IS something to watch on TV...just about the only good thing about being stuck in the house is that I can't go out and spend money--and that's a good thing...
12:38PM--I had been looking forward to checking out the nearby Barnes&Noble, then I remembered it's gone...so that's not gonna happen; more money saved I guess...had the Hot Pockets for lunch...messy, but rather delicious...as for Dinner, I dunno what I'm gonna have...considering how full I feel now, I'm not sure that the meatloaf would be such a good idea...
3:37PM--I went outside, got the mail...I'm really hoping Nature will help get rid of at least some of the snow surrounding my car..I think the temps will be in the mid to upper 30s tomorrow...It IS possible that we're gonna get more precipitation tonight...I really REALLY hope not...
3:58PM--in spite of the fact that I've lived in MontCo for about 35 years, I've never been to SECOND STORY BOOKS in Rockville...at least I don't THINK I have...in any case, weather permitting, I hope to go there tomorrrow...BUT--I just checked the website...seemingly, they don't have ANY of the titles I searched for...is HELTER SKELTER too obscure a book for them to have? *I* can't imagine that it would be; but apparently it is...I guess I can try to go again on Saturday...
11:25PM--very spontaneously I tried a remix of HOLIDAY by (whispers) Madonna...the idea of hitting the RECORD button at the same time the song starts worked, surprisingly,as did the (rather brief) loop...the fade-out also worked, sorta...the version I have was already extended, I added the loop though...altogether I think I added 13 seconds to the length of the recording... 

I shouda kept my mouth shut

 

       WEDNESDAY 2/17/2021 5:30PM--about an hour ago, I was wrestling with technology--I FUCKING HATE THAT..I gave up and went to work on getting the trash can to the curb...I had changed into the last dry pair of jeans I've got--forgetting there was nothing in the pockets--including the house keys...AFTER I called Dianne to come and rescue me, I belatedly remembered the house key hanging IN the garage...Thank the Universe a neighbor called Dianne for me...
       Now I'm worried about having a heart attack here, alone in Rockville...The Aprils don't use Asperin, so I took some acetaminophen; I hope that works...LATER--judging from my research, acetaminophen won't help all that much...I'm trying not to get scared...
6:08PM--I've calmed down considerably, I just hope it's not too late...
7:08PM--still fighting against technology, and losing...I've forgotten how to add "custom" ringtones to my phone; I just BOUGHT a Capercaillie ringtone but I dunno where on the phone it might be...
8:20PM--gonna try to make it to1AM tonight...we'll see...and to think I've gotta stay here until Saturday, long enough to feed Yoshi her Dinner, perhaps as early as 4:30, but no earlier...three more days...
   I kinda keep forgetting it's only Wednesday...Saturday seems so far away...
10:46PM--I think I'm kinda lonely and I and know I miss Dianne...and this was only the FIRST full day...sheesh...I'm still enjoying having taken (and passed) the Emissions Test...but I'm worried about the weather we're supposed to get, starting early tomorrow morning...
11:27PM--I can't seem to stop eating stuff...I think it's because I'm bored/lonely...I'm gonna try to go to sleep at Midnight...I'm hoping I don't get sick from overeating...

suddenly, Life is pretty Good

 

     WEDNESDAY 2/17/21 9:14AM--I'll probably jinx it, but today has been a good day so far...My car passed the Emissions Test!!! And it cost exactly as much as I thought it would, even considering I was late...went to the grocery store and got some more stuff...I  think I'll be staying in today and especially tomorrow...but Life is Good...
12:40PM--except I'm afraid I'll run outta soda and not be able to get anymore...I think I'm gonna go to the gas station up the street and get some more, financially irresponsible though that may be...
1:25PM--I believe I have enough food to cover my meals until Saturday...maybe...
3:30PM--ended up making another trip to Giant...THIS TIME I've got everything I need--probably...I think there's more halfway decent stuff on TV during the week than there is on the weekend...I hope to be home by  about 5PM Saturday...
4:15PM--all I gotta do now is pull the trashcan out of the garage and roll it to the curb...for that I have to put pants on...it would be quicker to put on the pants I had my accident in (and my shoes) and get the job done and over with...or I could climb the stairs to the bedroom and grab the clean jeans...maybe that would be the most sensible to do...

It would be easier for me to fly like a bird

 

         SUNDAY 2/14/21 5:50PM-I thought that modern technology was supposed to make Life easier...for me that is hardly ever true...and these tech struggles are killing me...I THINK Dianne and I are on Sp****y together and yet seperately...I think it means no more ads...I'm afraid to log OUT of that particular app for fear that I won't be able to get back in...
10:03PM--I'm using the aforementioned app to dig deeper into the Capercallie catalogue...the plan is to purchase songs I particularly like...There are (I think) nine albums to listen to...that's OK by me...For most of my Life I've been nervous about listening to new Music...I had no trouble exploring PHISH and I'm not having any problems investigating Capercallie...
MONDAY 2/15/21 11:02AM--I did an extended version of a song called BONAPARTE...two days ago I'd never even heard of the song; today it's one of my favorites...
10PM--I've been kinda nervous about the housesitting gig...it starts tomorrow at about 5PM...I've packed some stuff, but I've got a lot more to go...for instance, I wanna take my laptop...and I've got grocery shopping to do--in Rockville...I'm worried about the weather, among other things...
  TUESDAY 2/16/2021 10:55PM--if I didn't know better, I would swear it was Monday...slowly but surely prepping for the trip to Rockville...
5PM--settled in at the April's...everything is OK, except--apparently the Aprils don't use ice anymore!!! Who doesn't use ice? so I'll go buy a  bag tomorrow...sheesh...warm soda sucks a bunch IMO...
7:08PM--and a hot dog w/o ketchup is pretty boring too...the April's fridge is practically empty...I dunno why...a major storm may be headed this way...I may be unable to go anywhere after dinnertime tomorrow...and I'll be snowed/iced in until sometime Friday...
                 I used to think the upstairs(living room)  TV was incapable of getting the H&I network...I was wrong...all I gotta do is switch the "favorites" status from "1" to "All Channels"...Watching downstairs (in what is known as Linda's Office) always made me feel vulnerable--the front door is only a few feet away and there's a window next to it...
8:48PM--I spent almost $40 on groceries and got $40 cash back...Linda paid me $120 for the housesitting gig and I had $22 in my pocket...which totals $182 bucks...which gives me a daily budget of $13 and I can hopefully leave the $300 in my checking account alone...that would be fantastic...
Stoney accidently "Face Timed" me...that is I THINK it was a mistake...in any case, I didn't call him back...
 9:26PM--while it may be possible that the Aprils have even MORE TV channels  than Dianne, it's WAY too much work for me to get to them...so f**k it...

wasted worrying OR

 

              THURSDAY 2/11/21 6:36PM--the Doctor's appointment went well enough--except for the Nurse Practitioner sticking her finger up my butt...the sophisticated term for that is, I believe, "rectal exam"...I had a bit of trouble finding the Office, but I allowed time for that...
          SATURDAY 2/13/2021 5:11PM--even at her age, the roomie takes Valentine's Day seriously...I didn't get her a gift, or flowers...but I made a sign, which features a hand drawn Heart, hand drawn on the laptop, but still......I've mildly impressed myself...might be using the Paint app more often...for what, I don't know...
6:53PM--in spite of making Dinner for me, the roomie is still mad about my apparent lack of commemeration of Valentine's Day...hopefully she will appreciate the admittedly unsophisticated greeting I made just for her...I'll cross my fingers...

I guess it's only gonna get worse (or does that dream mean anything?)

 

        

              THURSDAY 2/4/21 9:22PM--up until a few minutes ago, I was thinking I had Allstate car insurance...I dunno WHY I thought that, but I did...I've had to change the method of payment I use to pay my bills...VERY VERY stressful...
SUNDAY 2/7/21 4:36PM--just about as inactive as I can be...sometimes that's OK, but sometimes I wish I had somewhere to go and/or something to do...
TUESDAY 2/9/21 8:17AM--I think a side effect of Melatonin is that I dream a fair amount...last night (or early this morning) I had a dream that I was with Katie__________ ... we were at some kinda commemmerative event honoring a war veteran--a WW II vet I think...Katie and I each get a watch (without watch bands) he owned, we just had to choose between the two of us which of the two watches we wanted...I was apparently trying to start up some kinda relationship with her--she was resisting me of course...PS--my Dad was in the dream...I AM worrried that I'm slowly losing my Mind...
6:45PM--the appointment with Guilnara (?) went well enough I guess...she said taking Melatonin every night is ok...I'm very VERY nervous about Thursday's appointment with a urologist...and she very much wants me to make an appoitment with a gastroenterologist...whatever that is...
11:52PM--we just got the Internet connection back after not having it for awhile...there's so much we can't do without it...not to mention Dianne needs it for work...
WEDNESDAY 2/10/21 6:46PM--as far as *I* know, I still have an appointment with a urologist tomorrow morning--they're expecting me, I talked to the scheduler (?) and decided to keep the apponitment, because I don't wanna wait another month...I believe it's snowing now--big wet snowflakes...Dianne is letting me use her car; she says she's not worried...

Thirty-one cents (or Was It Worth It?)

 

   WEDNESDAY 2/3/2021 7:55AM--I got the SSA check in the wee hours, possibly as late as 5AM...when combined with what I already had in my account, I'm thirty-one cents THIRTY-ONE CENTS short of having $1000 in the Bank...
        The Plan for today is to start my car, because I'm pretty sure I'll have to drive it to my Doctor's appointment on Friday...we got a dusting overnight, so before I can take Dianne's car to the grocery store, I have to clean IT off...I hope I'm seeing snow, not ice on it...I'll find out in about an hour or so...so I don't have  $999.69 in my Account anymore...and I paid the bill I got from Community Radiology...it feels good to get THAT outta the way...gotta keep an eye on the Credit Card account--I UNfroze it this morning...
4:30PM--Although the text allegedly came this morning *I* didn't see it until 3:30--my new glasses came in...they fixed the frame of the old ones; luckily I still had the lens...I gyess the new glases are working properly--the lenses got darker when I went outside...*I* feel like the field of maximum focus is small, but what do I know...just gotta get used to them...where they sit on my face, assuming they're sitting in the correct spot...
      I think it's been a darn good day, for which I'm grateful...Tomorrow I plan to take a shower and shave, so I won't have to do it Friday morning...
5:06PM--I jinxed it...it's only gonna get worse as I get older--the clumsiness, the memory loss...not quite as good a day as it was awhile ago...I DO wish the roomie wasn't so "frugal"--ya get what ya pay for, and she tends to pay for the cheap stuff...
        11:12 PM--it took me and Dianne about an hour if not longer to set up my BEST BUY credit card...my Cap One CHARGE card is locked, *I* did that myself...I THINK the Best Buy Credit website will recognize my user name and password now...of course I'm afraid to find out...I plan to go to Best Buy on Friday and buy a teeny tiny something, just to make sure everything works...